BREAKING NEWS!!

Well, not really. Rather, just news, classified in easy to understand categories.

THINGS I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, THAT I APPARENTLY DIDN'T:

Don't attempt to run with pulled muscles. Look. I knew that aerobics wasn't what I was good at. But when I accidentally ended up going through an advanced body sculpting class, and couldn't walk for three days with muscles pulled from my knees to my neck, I decided that I could be in better shape. And today, a week after the most awful 60 minutes of my life, when I moved onto the next part of my training schedule my hamstrings protested. First with mild demands for attention, and after the third mile with screaming, crampy yells. Apparently I'm not healed yet. Must stop trying to be a hero. For....no one.*

THINGS I KNOW THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED ABOUT:

Only jerks print PDF's on the library printers. Look, everyone loves the free** printing available in the Law Library. Especially right before the major legal writing assignments are due. However, when you try to print PDF's to those printers, they can only print ONE PAGE AT A TIME. And those pages are sent one at a time to the printers. So your 80 page document takes 4 hours to print. It's really kind of a jerk move to tie up a printer for four hours. If you find it absolutely necessary, please do it at 8 am when nobody needs the printers. Not at 2 in the afternoon. Because let me be honest here: I am that girl who will cancel your print job in order to get mine through. I have no scruples.

THINGS WE BOTH ALREADY KNEW:

Ricky Martin is gay? This is so shocking! Except not. Because I was alive in the 90s. Seriously, did anyone think the guy who sang "She Bangs" and "Shake your Bon-Bon" was straight? I'd love to give the human race more credit than that. Seriously, I don't think even Sue Sylvester would need him to Swish It Up. Seriously, the guy is the hispanic Clay Aiken/Ryan Seacrest hybrid.

Jesse James is a stupid man. Seriously, you would trade Sandra Bullock***, she of the Oscar, friendly smile, good comedic timing, and general awesomeness for THIS? A tattoo model and possible nazi? One's man trash is another man's treasure I guess, but who would trade in Sandra for a trashy tattoo model nazi??? Clearly, James was threatened by the extreme force of awesome that is his wife. Ick.

AND IN OTHER NEWS:

Happy Passover!**** Baby B is celebrating the heritage of his people this week and all I can tell is that it's ruining Law Free Lunch. He can't eat ANYWHERE because of the processed grains thing. Look, Baby B, you eat pork ALL THE TIME. You are already terrible at being Jewish.***** Stop ruining my week with your silly religious needs.

_______________________

*"I could be your hero baby!" Seriously, taking applications.

**With outrageous amounts of tuition, of course

***I realize she's not everyone's cup of tea, but objectively I feel she can be considered awesome.

****Do you wish people a happy passover? Not sure about Jewish etiquette.

*****Don't take this too hard. I haven't been to a confession in years.