I'm Sorry, What?

It's been a truly excellent summer.  I've been living up in Wrigleyville, barely making it from paycheck to paycheck, and for the most part loving every minute of it.  (There were some moments there, let me tell you.)  I've been taking long weekend trips, attending my part-time job as a law clerk, enjoying the rooftop deck that is so much better than the cool thing you have at your apartment and all in all having one of the best semester breaks possible.

And then I had an epiphany.

I have to go back to school in one week.  No more just deciding to take Fridays off.  No more watching 30 Rock late at night, and deciding, "What the hell?  I can just be tired tomorrow."  I'm going to go to school 15 hours a week and work the other 25.  And then I have to somehow find a job, pass the bar, and start paying off these loans.

I am one misstep from the very first panic attack of the school year.

Just.  Hell.

Drugs

Me:  "I think the answer to my problem starts with "A" and ends in "Derall"

Other:  "I could get it for you, but is that what you really want?"

Me:  ".........."

I've mentioned on here how important I believe a well-stocked medicine cabinet is.  It's essential, in case you didn't know.  Seriously, I have so many different kinds of painkillers for different pains/times of day, I could probably run a pharmacy.  If you need some Ibuprofen, I'm probably the girl to see.  I even have back up bottles under my sink because I hit a sale on extra-strength tylenol once.  But in the example above, I turned down the adderall.  Why?

Because in the words of my friend Orale*, who admittedly was quoting Cool Runnings at the time, "If you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.  Or, in my own words (which are SO much better):

If You Can't Do It On Your Own,

You Can't Do It.

I'm not trying to preach at anybody here.  You do what you've got to do to get the job done.  But it's probably a bad idea to put something that you don't NEED into your body.  It's probably a really bad idea to put a prescription drug without your name on it into your body.**  Your doctor hasn't told you it's safe.  And nothing, not even law school finals, are worth harming your body.  

In my humble opinion, drugs (yes, even painkillers) should always be the last resort.  You don't need caffeine to keep yourself awake if you get some sleep.  You don't need drugs for concentration if you're willing to forgive yourself for needing a break once in a while.***  The human brain wasn't made to focus non-stop.  

So, you know, do what you've gotta do.  But be careful.  And maybe take up yoga before you resort to anything extreme.

_____________________________________________
*Oh yeah, once you get a code name, you're somebody I spend too much time around.
**I'm not a doctor, so I can't actually make these statements, but I think it's a generally held axiom that someone should actually prescribe a prescription drug to you.
***Or maybe you do.  Once again:  Not A Doctor.  But if you think you need drugs, you should definitely see one of those.

Where Do We Go From Here?

I’m sure you’ve heard by now about the big news for America.  Osama bin Laden is dead.  And I keep seeing and hearing tweets and Facebook posts like “Fuck yeah, America,” and “Glad that bastard is dead.”  And while I’m excited, I guess I’m mostly conflicted. 

I remember when I first heard the name Osama bin Laden.  I was fourteen years old.  I’d had a particularly terrifying day at school, since the administration refused to tell us what was going on, but we’d been hearing rumors that were wrong but still scary.  I can still remember Brittany M. running down the hall while I was sitting in Mr. Divelbiss's honors biology class and telling us all that the Pentagon had been bombed.  And that was in second period.  We didn’t find out what had actually happened until we got home that day.  And all I could think the whole day was “Now that the Pentagon is gone, any of us could go.  At any moment.”  

And I remember weeks of news coverage that just consisted of watching the twin towers fall.  It was the news EVERY DAY.  We wallowed in the psychological blow and bin Laden’s name was all over the news reports and on everyone’s lips.  Journalists told us that he would be captured within a year.

I remember when (exactly 8 years ago) George Bush announced “Mission Accomplished” and I remember the political cartoon that went with it:  President Bush walking in an Escher-like maze, repeating those words futilely over and over.  And I remember wondering why our troops couldn’t come home if the mission was accomplished.  And why my friends were beginning to join the military and going over to a wild, dry place that I couldn’t imagine.

And I’ll always remember that bin Laden wasn’t caught until the end of my second year of law school.  This one man defined the last 10 years of American policy and the way we as Americans lived and traveled.  My own father was often stopped at the gates of the military base he worked on and his car was searched for incendiary devices solely because he is a swarthy man* with a mustache, something that had never happened before in his whole career.  Due to new technology, we’re all seen naked by TSA agents every time we want to get onto a plane.

And I’m not sure how I feel.  The memories of “where I was when” are incredibly powerful.  It’s shocking to me that these events are going to be in the history books of my own child one day.  It’s amazing to me that one day that child is going to ask me about it.  And I think that what will color that story is what happens next.  Does this mean that the mission is finally accomplished?  Will troop withdrawals actually start in 60 days?  Or will this just start an era of new faith in a disorganized war that should never have started?

What happens next?  And where will we be?

_____________________________________________

*Due to spending years on the deck of a naval ship

Indiana, You've Disappointed Me Again...

I am far too busy cross-checking news stories today to be even remotely interested in studying or in writing the paper that's due in approximately 100 hours. Why, you ask?  Because the Indiana legislature is at it again.

Indiana is the first state to defund Planned Parenthood.  Which, okay, conservative family values, yada yada yada.  It's really almost expected.  The real problem is that this bill will probably cause Indiana to lose all $4 million that it got for family planning services last year.  And this is where it gets funny.*

Let's be real:  this bill really passed because Planned Parenthood gives abortions ALL THE TIME.**  And abortions are bad.  But how can we prevent abortions?  Well, we COULD cut all the money that goes to them.  OR we could do something much more radical.  We could provide proper family planning services that teach people how to not get pregnant in the first place.  Well, look at that.  That's what Planned Parenthood DOES!  Why, with more education at a proper family planning center, we could have fewer abortions!  Especially since there can be NO learning about anything other than abstinence at school.

Are you paying attention, Indiana?  There's more than one way to skin a cat.***

Moreover, beyond the whole "Do you really not get how to prevent abortions being necessary" thing, this law is INCREDIBLY paternalistic.  I know lots of people who went to Planned Parenthood.  I went to Planned Parenthood, too.  Not for any sort of medical procedure, but to ask the questions we couldn't ask at home, at church,**** or even at school.  (Again, not that they would have been answered.  See link above.)  By taking away services like this, you're forcing people to either ask questions where they are too scared to do so or just not to have proper information in the first place.  This bill will help take away people's right to make choices for themselves, based on their own lives.  And not just poor people, but young people and scared people, too.

Plus, in the words of my mother, "What are all the people who pray outside of the Planned Parenthood going to do now?  They're going to have way too much free time."*****

Mitch Daniels is expected to sign this bill into law, even though he called for a truce on social issues.******  This is saddening because for me it means that the state I grew up in has become a place that I'm no longer proud of between this and the anti-gay amendment.  This is why young people don't want to go back.  Nobody wants to say "I live in Indiana," when the legislature proves time and time again that bigotry, hate, and misinformation reign supreme in that little Red land.

If you're an Indiana citizen, I urge you to really think about this issue and write to Governor Daniels.  We young people will never change anything if we don't get loud first.  Tell Governor Daniels that his real problem with brain drain is not anything to do with jobs, but rather has everything to do with not wanting to associate with a state that's 50 years behind.   Prove that at least some of the citizenry can actually use their brains to make a decision about an issue, not just have a knee-jerk reaction to a scary word.

_____________________
*I use this term loosely.  I think I mean "ironic," but so many people use that word incorrectly, (I'm looking at you, Alanis Morissette) that I'm not even entirely sure what it means anymore.
**This is not true.  Only about 3% of Planned Parenthood's funds go towards abortions.  But then, you should look at this chart, because it's funny, and probably where people THINK PP's spending goes.
***I'm trying to put things in folksy terms so that people who don't get "actions = consequences" will be able to understand.
****No, seriously, once my youth group had "ask a priest" night, where we were encouraged to ask Fr. Herman all of our questions about sex.  Never mind that we didn't really want to ask anything.  ANYWAY, all of the answers came down to "God doesn't like that," which was not extraordinarily helpful.
*****My mother is much cooler than I used to think she was.  Also, I know people who actually did this in their free time.  They'll probably have to go to jail now and pray for an end to capital punishment.  Oh, wait.  Pro-lifers don't do that.  Also, in the words of my mother "A life is a life.  If you're going to say you're going to support capital punishment, then you're still CHOOSING to end a life, which pretty much makes you pro-choice."  Go Mom.
******He's also expected to run for President.  Signing this bill would probably ruin his political career. As it should.

Truth or Consequences

Consequences.  

The world is full of them.  And usually they're a hell of a lot more immediate than "if a butterfly flaps his wings in Tokyo..." (Which, let me say, is not really a theory that I buy.)  The consequences I'm currently dealing with?  I have PLENTY of time to study!  Instead I'll spend time with the Boy one weekend and then go take a four day weekend at home with my family the next weekend!

Consequences?

Didn't do that great on my final trial for trial ad and just started studying for finals TODAY.  (And I mean JUST STARTED.  Like, at noon today.)  So I'm both disappointed and feeling a little sick at the prospect of finishing everything on time.

But there are such things as POSITIVE consequences too!  Like the fact that I feel incredibly relaxed and my brain is full of oxytocin from the amount of chocolate I ate this weekend.  And I'm not that worried about my trial ad grade.  Why?  Because I worked my butt off for that class during the semester and rocked it weekly.  So, you know, I didn't put in the work at the end.  No big deal.

The trick is to think about the consequences ahead of time.

1.  KNOW THYSELF.  I don't accomplish things if I leave Chicago.  And I don't really accomplish anything other than reading in my apartment.  So I know that if I want to accomplish something, I have to go to the library.  If I don't go because I don't want to put pants on,* I know that I'm not going to get the work done.  Because I know how I operate.

2.  DON'T LIE.  Yeah, just because you know yourself doesn't mean you're getting anywhere.  This is where I usually get tripped up.  Sure, I know that if I stay in my apartment I won't get anything done, but I usually end up telling myself "You can totally work from home today!  You feel super motivated!"  My other favorite self-delusion is "Five more minutes of wasting time and I'll get back to work."  If you know the facts, go with them.

3.  FIND YOUR MOTIVATION.  I know I've talked about proper motivation before, but really, you can't be too motivated.  Sometimes that motivation is positive, like a margarita at the end of the day, or some tv watching before bed, but I like to think in terms of negative reinforcement when it comes to consequences.  That's why whenever I'm making a decision, big or small, I like to pretend all the consequences are in the voice of my mother.  That way I get that feeling of guilt-ridden guidance!

4.  THINK POSITIVE!  I know I just said to be negative, but make sure you consider the positive consequences that will flow from a decision as well as the negative ones.  Sure, sleeping in is a waste of time, but you know what's great about it?  That feeling of sneaky well-being.  Maybe you shouldn't go out on Friday night.  After all, you're broke and too busy studying.  But hey!  Life needs balance and you need to stop sitting and staring at a computer screen!  Just remember:  When considering your pros/cons list, really consider the pros of the situation.

_____________________________________________
*Which is what happened yesterday.

It's that Catholic Guilt

My morning class was cancelled today, so I decided to sleep in as late as I wanted.  I apparently only "wanted" to sleep in an extra 45 minutes.  Or at least part of me did.  My body is saying, "Go back to sleep.  The last two days were awful.  You deserve it."  Meanwhile, my brain is behaving like it's an ADD squirrel on drugs.  "GET UP!  IT'S MOOOOOOORNING!!!!!"  Because my brain wouldn't leave my body alone.  Here I am at 8 am with nothing* to do in the morning for the first time in two weeks, and I'm awake.

I have become completely incapable of sleeping in in the morning, no matter what day of the week it is.  I expect many of you have this problem too, whether you are legal-tastic or not.  Unfortunately, I've gotten my body set to a 7 am to 11 pm schedule, so even though I stayed up until 2 am last night, my brain clicked on at 6:45, and I only managed to put it into sleep mode for another hour.

I read a study a few years ago^ that said turning off the alarm isn't a good thing to do for your health.  Sleeping in on the weekend is apparently bad for your brain, as it confuses your internal clock and makes you more tired.  Back then, this made me feel superior, as I've always been bad at sleeping late.  Now it just frustrates me more because when I'm trying to get much-needed rest, the little voice in the back of my mind is going "It's not good for you anyway."

I would like to smash that little voice with a sledgehammer.

However, I have learned a very neat trick when it comes to turning off that voice in your brain, which I would like to share with you:  Do something.  Doesn't matter what it is.  Whatever tasks your brain is telling you must be accomplished, pick one or two that you can do from bed.  I, for instance, am writing this, and then I am going to make a quick phone call.  All from my bed.  And then my brain can't tell me, "What are you doing?  It's morning!  You need to get busy!"  I got busy.  And now I'm going to take a nap.

Now where is my sledgehammer?

Or I can make do with a giant knife.  Whatever's handy.

_____________________
*I mean, it's law school, there's always something to do, not just something incredibly PRESSING.
^Which I of course can't find now.

Legal Television Tropes, Part the Second

I really hate television shows about the practice of law.  I may be the only law student who can truthfully say I have never seen a full episode of Law & Order.  Not a single one.  In any of its incarnations.  I think I watched half of an episode once, but two things stuck out to me immediately:

1.  The whole thing was so unrealistic that it was a major turn-off.  The timeline, the political pressures, the investigation, it was all ridiculous.
2. It’s shows like Law & Order that helped make my mother completely overprotective.  Everybody is always getting raped and murdered.  It’s no wonder I had to be home by 10 pm even though I was 20 years old and lived in the world’s tiniest town-without-crime.

So it’s really no wonder that I made it a crusade to avoid legal shows.*  However, I must confess: I have become addicted to NBC’s Harry’s Law.  And I’m sure half of you out there are going, “WHY?”

Okay.  I know the premise is crazy.  Brilliant patent lawyer (Kathy Bates/the titular “Harry”) gets bored with her life and starts smoking pot in her office while watching Looney Tunes.  She then gets fired and has two near death experiences which convince her that she should open up a law office in an abandoned shoe store in the worst part of Cincinnati.  I told you it was far-fetched.

Like most legal shows, it follows a relatively small cast of characters in a “case-of-the-week” context.  There is some bad dialogue.  I think it comes from the usual problem of non-lawyers trying to write witty things about the law and not  quite making it.  Also, I wish Brittany Snow would disappear from the show.  It is set in the Cleveland ghetto.  I wish someone would shoot her.  But that’s not important, because that’s not where the glory of Harry’s Law lies. 

No, the glory of Harry’s Law lies in two things:

1. Kathy Bates delivering dry, sarcastic lines because while she cares deeply about the people around her, she really doesn’t give a damn about their personal problems and has no issues with telling them so.
2.  The presentation of the law itself, from making appropriate objections (which NEVER HAPPENS IN LEGAL SHOWS AND MOVIES AND IT MAKES MY STOMACH TURN), to ethical concerns that most people don’t realize lawyers face every day, to trying to find justice for everybody, not just the white and wealthy.

In a recent episode, “Send in the Clowns,” the show dealt with the idea of public defenders, and how they’re seen as law trash, scum who trick juries into putting criminals back on the street.  But as the “law trash” defense lawyer points out in a great scene, “He could be innocent.  Which is a jury question.  Our job is to fight for the guy.  And if you’re sitting there, suggesting that we fight a little less hard for the ones we think did it, maybe you should save a little of that disgust for yourself.  Ronald Perry deserves best efforts.  They all do.”

And isn’t that the essence of the law?  Everyone deserves due process?  Everyone gets to be innocent until they’re proven guilty?  And then, my favorite part of the show is always Harry’s closing argument that encapsulates the point the episode is trying to make about the law.  It’s always brilliant and heartfelt without being overly preachy.  To make my point: 

“To be honest, when I first got this case, I thought, ‘ick.’  Who wants these kinds of cases anyway?  The facts are ugly, they don’t pay, and when I first saw the defendant, I thought ‘He probably did it.’  I’m sure a few of you think the same.  And the victim, he’s intelligent, clean-cut, upper middle class, certainly no motive to lie, why wouldn’t we believe him?  I mean, he was there, for God’s sake.  If he says it was Ronald Perry, then who the hell are we to doubt him? 

“Well, you have a duty to doubt him.  You took an oath to demand that the prosecution satisfy its burden of proving guilt beyond all reasonable doubt.  And they haven’t done that.  They never found the watch or wallet in my client’s possession, never located a gun, they introduced no physical evidence, no circumstantial evidence, no forensics of any kind.  Just the eyewitness account from a man who clearly had to be in shock.  A man who was able to describe almost nothing about his assailant.  For the gun, you heard the meticulous details; for the suspect, “fat latino.”   That’s it.  Maybe Mr. Layton got it right.  Perhaps it was Ronald Perry...

“What’s the point?  Well, the point is, once you relax those standards, once you say, ‘close enough is good enough,’ seems guilty, lock him up,’ it’s not just the guilty who are at risk, but the innocent.  You.  Me...The State has not satisfied its burden.  It hasn’t even come close.  He has not been proven guilty beyond all reasonable doubt.  You can’t charge a man, take away his freedom with no physical evidence but one shocky I.D. and call that justice.  You can’t be satisfied with that.  Assuming of course, you care.  Do you?”**

This was a ridiculously long post, thanks to all of the transcription.  But seriously, Harry’s Law is a winner.  And though the season finale premiered Monday, it’s worth catching on summer repeat, and I’ve got my fingers crossed that it gets picked up again next season!

______________________________________

*I will admit, I watched ABC’s The Deep End while it was on and really enjoyed it.  But that was more like Grey’s with lawyers than it was an actual legal show.  I like watching Lifetime’s Drop Dead Diva for the same reason.  It’s not really a legal procedural, so much as a drama that happens to be about a lawyer.

**You can watch Kathy Bates’s delightful delivery yourself by going to Hulu.com or NBC.com and looking up the episode “Send in the Clowns.”  Her closing starts at about 31 minutes.  It really is worth watching, even if you're not interested in the show, if just to note that the most important thing you can do is capture the jury's attention.

It's A Beautiful Day

I learned my caffeine routine in a
foreign country.  

Oh, springtime.  The days are getting longer, the population is becoming twitterpated, and every group in law school is having a very special networking event.  I'm getting tired of having to dress at 9 am for an evening event that doesn't start until 6 pm.  My feet are longing to be in sneakers and I don't feel like constantly checking my hair to make sure it hasn't turned into a frizzy mess.

Especially since the frizzy mess is an inevitability.

On days like these, I need a little something to ground me in the whirlwind.  Maybe you do too.  And may I suggest routine?

Sure, everybody says a routine is boring, but I don't necessarily mean you should do the same exact thing every day.  Rather, pick something that makes you feel normal and sane and make it into a ritual of sorts.  For instance, the first thing I do in the morning after my 7:15 wake up is make coffee while I eat breakfast.  After I finish my breakfast, my coffee accompanies me throughout my morning until I brush my teeth at 8:35 am, right before I leave for class.  That full hour of caffeinating myself while I get ready for class keeps me from jumping out of bed and flying off the handle.

After my classes and other meetings are done for the day, I come home and do my reading for the following day, hopefully finishing before 7 pm, when all my favorite sitcoms come on.  At that point, I either go to the gym for a long run/workout while watching tv, or I decide that I'm too tired for exercise and just watch television from the comfort of my bed.  Regardless, I spend the rest of the night taking care of myself, dealing with personal matters, and playing catch up from the day.  The last thing I do is take a long, hot shower to get rid of the last 16 hours and start the new day fresh and clean.  Depending on what the next day looks like, I make a to-do list for the following day just before bed.  

Routine isn't necessarily about doing the same thing over and over, but rather about doing familiar sorts of things daily.  Even my daily coffee doesn't need to be coffee, sometimes it's orange juice if I feel scurvacious.*  It's like the way I always keep my keys on the hook by the door:  It's not because I want to know exactly where my keys are,**  it's because looking for my keys causes me to panic and feel insecure.  

So find your own routine.  Listen to your favorite song every night before bed, or do your multiplication tables in the shower.  Call your mom at lunch, or check your favorite website first thing in the morning when you know it updates.***  Do something that makes you feel in control of your own life, and prevents that feeling of being too exhausted to live.  

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a cup of coffee to drink before I have to brush my teeth at 8:35.

_____________________

*Adjectival form of having scurvy

**Okay, it's a little bit that.

***I know it's this one.

The Day After Tomorrow

Is it just me, or is the first week back after Spring Break awful?  Winter break is three weeks long, and by the time it's over, you're about ready to go back.  Spring Break is one week long and when it comes time to go back, you feel as though you're being dragged back kicking and screaming.  Seriously, it's not like I even got to DO anything.*

The worst part is how you think, "Okay, I'm going to be really busy today, so I need to stay on schedule and keep moving through."  The thing is, I'm NOT that busy.  I even made a to-do list, but I don't have THAT much more to do than I did before Spring Break.  Two more activities.  Two.  That actually fit into my schedule fairly well.  It just all feels like too much.  I even woke up before 7 am solely because I was worried** that I would miss my first class because I overslept.

I also realized this morning that FINAL EXAMS start in a month.  You're welcome.

In other words, if I can stop myself from having an unnecessary stress-related heart attack until Thursday at noon, I will consider the whole week a win.

Please address all questions or complaints about the brevity of Spring Break to management in the comment box below.  Thanks!

__________________________
*I did get to go see The King's Speech.  It was super amazing.
**Also possibly because I've been on Eastern time for 10 days now, so my body was pretty sure it was almost 8 o'clock.

So....it's Spring Break now, right?

I am quite literally counting down the hours to Spring Break.  For me at least, Spring Break starts in 76 hours.  SEVENTY-SIX HOURS.  My impatience knows no bounds.  My body is buzzing with the knowledge that I will soon be free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, etc. etc.

Of course, this means it's that much harder to accomplish anything.  And daylight's savings time has me all kinds of confused.  It's my bedtime right now.*  I think I'll probably be up for at least another hour.**  This is the hardest time of year for me.

I know that I have so much to do, but it's hard to make myself do any of it.  For instance, in order to avoid doing nine pages of reading for Secured Transactions, I spent two hours cleaning my room and bathroom, watched Sister Wives, and listened to Bruce Springsteen's "If I Should Fall Behind" six times.***

I am NOT coming out.  You can't make me.

Lucky for me, I'm well aware that I'm not alone in my oxymoronically antsy ennui.  This is the hardest time of spring semester for any student.  In fall, you get all sorts of little breaks, whereas in spring it's school for weeks and weeks until FINALLY eleven days of glorious nothing stretches before you.  Of course, this is where spring semester burnout comes into play.  At this point, you're so sure you deserve a break that you stop working.  Guess what?

You don't deserve it.  Just get your work done.  And then enjoy your Spring Break.  Because we're getting back to that part of the semester where you can't remember the last time you showered.

Oh yay!

_____________________________________
*Yes, I have a bedtime.  Don't judge.
**Unless I abuse OTC medication for its sleepy time powers.  Which I refuse to do.
***Guys, this is a really good song, and yes I am listening to it again right now.

Therapist Needed

Immensely.

Those who know me know that there are things I am OCD about.  Things that I need to be just so.  Though I don't know if it's a case of OCD or just a case of I am a pain in the ass and I want things done my way.  Regardless, I have decided to blame my need for perfection on my long-suffering mother, as Freud would no doubt have me do.

Once as a child, I decided ironing was fun.  The process of smoothing out each and every wrinkle and making sure none of the hems flipped the wrong way was so awesome.  I told my mother that, while I continued to carefully smooth away each and every imperfection from the fabric, carefully planning how I would turn the cloth to make sure I got every inch and didn't cause any more wrinkles.

Instead of realizing then what a freak I was destined to become, my mother went and got all the tablecloths that had been sitting in storage for two years.  I ironed for three hours until I was forced to go to bed.

So, no, Lady Gaga, I was not "born this way."  It's all my mother's fault.

And I still secretly love ironing.

Stop Making Goals, and Start Making Plans

See that subject up there?  That is one of my life mottos.  I hate goal-setting.  I think it's a waste of time.  Do you know why?

Because most of your goals are stupid.

Actually, that's a little harsh.  Most of your goals are unreachable because you just say, "Hey!  This is what I want, Universe!  Bring it to me!"  And regardless of what that book The Secret says, just because you're open to the universe doesn't mean the universe is open to you.  (Also, the universe doesn't actually care about you because you're a little speck of dust on a millisecond of a clock.  But that's a much more philosophical discussion.)

The point is, if you're going to engage in goal-setting, even though you probably shouldn't bother, you're going to need better goals.  Smaller, more reachable goals.  In fact,

You're going to need plans.

Here's the difference between a goal and a plan:

Goal:  I want a job in Charlotte, North* Carolina, which will enable me to pay off my loans in 7 years and put a down payment on a house by year ten.

Plan:  I'm going to start spending at least one hour every day job searching and applying for positions in Charlotte, North Carolina, and I'm going to make a budget that will tell me how much I need to make in order to achieve my financial goals.

See?  Goals are airy, dream-like things that will get you nowhere!  Plans are specific and step-by-step.

Let me give you an example from my own life.  When I was a child, we were forever running out of toilet paper.  Probably because I have little brothers who like to dance in it or something.  Or possibly take baths in it, a la Scrooge McDuck and his money.  Anyway, I swore that once I lived on my own, I would "Never run out of toilet paper again!"  It was a very dramatic, Scarlett O'Hara-esque goal, but not a very defined plan.  Nevertheless, now that I am an adult living on my own, I buy toilet paper every time it goes on sale.

Which is why I tend to have 30 rolls in my closet 80% of the time.

See?  I've achieved my goals through proper planning.  Now throw out all of your goals.  They're not going to work out anyway.

______________________________________________
*Apparently, if you look up Charlotte, South Carolina on Google, the internet is very happy to tell you that that is INDEED where Charlotte is located.  But, um, apparently it is in North Carolina.  Thanks to Baby B for informing me of that little fact.  

Pretend Lawyering 101

I spent all yesterday feeling guilty that it was Wednesday and I hadn't written a post.  But then I realized it was Tuesday, and I felt bad because I didn't have anything prepared.  So instead I thought I'd pepper you with some quotes from last night's trial ad class.

But first, some background for you non-lawyer types.

I've explained the legal writing program as pretend lawyering before.  You write memos and briefs, interview "clients," and argue motions.  Trial Ad is what would happen if none of those things solved your problem, ie, a trial.  The class starts out with everyone doing exercises and being critiqued by a real judge on everything from your diction to the form of your questions to the way/where you stand.  Mid-semester, you move into mini-trials, where you run a whole trial a little bit at a time for four weeks.  (We have closing arguments for that next week.)  After mini-trials is the final exam.  A three-hour trial.

The class is down at the courthouse for three hours once a week.  I recommend everyone take it, even if (like me) you're not planning to litigate.  It's not only good to see how a trial works, it's good to see how evidentiary objections work, it's fun to MAKE objections, and I feel like it's done wonders for my public speaking and improvisation skills.  But enough with the lecture.

So without further ado, quotes from last night's trial ad class to prove how much fun it is!

S1:  “I’m going to cross-examine myself.  

       ‘What did you do on February 7th?’ 

       ‘I was at home that day.’    

       ‘That’s not what you said in your deposition! Are you lying now or were you lying then?’”

S2:  “Objection.  Badgering the witness.”

S1:  “I can’t be badgering myself!”

S3:  “Sometimes when I’m at home alone, I badger myself.”

Prof:  “So you’re Amanda.”

S1:  “No, I’m Amanda, that’s Tina.”

Prof:  “Okay, so Tina and Brandon.” 

S2:  “No.  That’s Paul, I’m Brandon.”

Prof:  “Then if you’re Paul, who’s in the witness box!”

S1:  (Muttered)  “Who’s on first?”

S1:  “Objection.  Hearsay.”

S2:  “Dying declaration.”

Prof:  “Hold on…”

S1:  “The dying declaration exception is only valid when the declaration relates to the circumstances—“

Prof:  “Wait—“

S2:  “Supreme Court just handed down Michigan v. Baker, which states—“

Prof:  “WILL YOU TWO JUST STOP FOR A MINUTE?”

S1:  “I’m beginning to think we’re the remedial Trial Ad class for idiots.

S2:  “Now that's not fair!  Clearly we all know our own names!

These are a Few of My Favorite Things....

I know, I've been bad about posting lately, but law review is KILLING me right now.  EVERYTHING is due in the next two weeks and I have been (quite literally) running back and forth across Chicago looking for sources.  On the plus side, everything will be done on February 25th, and I can ride off into the sunset.  (Or dance my way through my tiny living room after drinking too much wine.  That's the same thing, right?)  On the minus side, I am going to be grumpy and depressed for another two weeks while I finish everything up.

So in honor of Valentine's Day, I give you a list of things that I am LOVING right now and that are keeping me sane:

Baking -- This weekend I made muffins AND soda bread.  Yummy.  I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but there's something about baking that keeps me sane.  The process of reading a recipe and making something out of it appeals greatly to my control freak nature.  And yes, to those of you who asked me about it, I will probably feel the need to bake cookies at some point this week/weekend.  Be prepared to reap the fruits of my labor.

Running -- I get tired of sitting in a chair all day, and even though I have to convince myself with ALL MY PERSUASIVE POWER, running five miles before bed feels good.  Plus, I'm so tired that I fall asleep at eleven and don't wake up all night.  Win.

This weather we're having -- It was almost 50 degrees yesterday!  In February!  In CHICAGO!  I really hope this keeps up.  If it does, I may have to go track down Punxsutawney Phil and kiss him for his blind, non-shadow seeing ways.

Surprises -- Because I won't see him for Valentine's Day or my birthday, which are but one week apart, the Boy keeps dropping hints at surprise gifts.  Then he discusses them with other people who drop hints at me too.  Whenever I get depressed, I just think, "Soon I get PRESENTS!"  It's materialistic.  It's shallow.  It makes me less enraged about my lot in life.

The Fam--Getting calls from my parents or text messages from my little brothers really makes my day.  Even if they say nothing more than "I just lost a lot of respect for you."  That's brotherly love right there. Also, it's this guy's birthday today:

Cupid Dog Loves You

So that's what's keeping me pushing through.  How are you getting through February? 

SNOWPOCALYPSE 2011

So I didn't know what to write about today.  School has officially been cancelled until Friday, due to the blizzard you may have heard about that blasted the midwest last night.  And then I realized, hey!  Chicago was the "epicenter of the snowquake!"  (ABCNews 7 called it that, not me.)  So today I went out and took some pictures of what the city looks like after the snow.

This is the view from my window right after it stopped snowing.  You can see that the balconies across the street are completely filled with snow.  I realized at this moment that things were going to be harder than I originally planned.

So I did my best imitation of Indian Princess hair...

Wrong type of Indian

That's more like it.

I got bundled up...

And I went exploring.  

These are water fountains, but I don't think anyone's going to be using them today...

Kids went sledding down the monument at Soldier Field.  They were having a blast!

This dog, Tess, was about as tall as the snow.  But that didn't stop her from tunneling through it in her pink coat.  Her owner said Tess was having a ball!

I fell down in drifts more than once trying to break a path.  Here I fell into one and was covered in snow to my hips.  Good thing I was wearing pants, leggings, and my dad's old, super-thick sweater!

For some reason, the sidewalk just stopped, so I walked in the street like everyone else.  There weren't any cars out anyway.

These are the famed Tiffany Gardens in Grant Park.  I couldn't go in any further than this.  Some of the snowdrifts were WELL above my waist, and I was having a hard time as it was!

These are stairs, I swear!!

A distant picture of Buckingham Fountain, better known as the "Married With Children" fountain.

A little bit closer.  Usually it's filled with water.  Today it's filled with snow!

People were actually walking into the fountain.  Hey, you'll never get that kind of chance to get so close to it ever again!

The snow was about knee-deep on average.  Some spots were better than others, but it was quite a workout to get through!

One of my favorite spots in Grant Park anyway, this little tree-lined avenue was made even prettier by the snow.

The Bean (actually called "Cloud Gate") from the Millenium Park Bandstand

The Bandstand itself.  There was security everywhere in Millennium Park, as opposed to Grant Park where one couple was just sitting in the snow with a couple beers.

Getting closer now.  You can see Trump Tower in the background.

Of course I took the obligatory picture of myself at the Bean!!

The Bandstand in the Bean's reflection.

I took a lot of pictures of the Bean okay?  But they're so awesome looking!

The sun is just starting to break through the clouds here.

The Chicago skyline is so awesome.

There's snow on top!

Someone decided to feed the sparrows.  But you can actually see words on the entrance to Millennium Park.  They're almost entirely covered by snow.

The famed guardian lions outside the Art Institute haven't shaken the snow out of their manes yet.

The Art Institute IS open, if any of you Chicago natives need to get out of your apartment for a couple hours.

Yep, that's a street that hasn't been plowed yet.  It's nice for pedestrians though.  I've never not had to worry about getting hit by cars while crossing the street before!

So that's just a little taste of the aftermath of Snowpocalypse!  I hope that wherever you are, you're safe, warm, and cozy.

And if you want to see some REALLY awesome photography, check out my friend Kristen's blog, Through the Looking Glass.  She's a fabulous photographer.  Her pictures make me want to visit Oklahoma!

Lawcest, Redux

So I realized recently that this blog is on the first google results page for people who search for the word "lawcest."  And there is ALWAYS someone who has found his/her way here by searching for lawcest.  Whether that's advice about whether to commit lawcest, what to do if you find yourself in a sectioncestual situation, or legal porn (ew), I have no idea, but I feel as though I must throw something out there:

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!

There, I feel better.  It's like a delightful and honest disclaimer.  That having been said, LAWCEST LAWCEST LAWCEST.  (Also just realized that I wrote that post almost exactly one year ago.)

I would like to return to the topic of lawcest quickly and make a few more points.  I know I was down on the idea the first time, but I have new and different feelings.

• Dating someone from ANOTHER law school could be an excellent idea.  It's like networking!  With dinner and movies!
• Lawcest is still a bad idea for 1L's (in my opinion).  Really, focus on your studies and get used to the world.  That person?  Will still be there next year.  It's the joy of law school.  You're stuck with these people for THREE YEARS.
• Lawcest could be a GREAT idea!  Especially if everyone is expecting you to commit it and you're just not getting around to it.  Seriously.  The rumor mill requires fodder.  (Essentially, you will be committing lawcest for everyone else's amusement.)
• You're still too busy to see each other, so the relationship can't get stale too fast!

Fine.  Not my best post.  It's Friday guys and I slept in and I'm hanging out with the Boy all day.  Must finish article this weekend.  Sigh.

High School Never Ends

This is my awesome high school English teacher.

It never fails to fascinate me how much law school has in common with high school.  For instance, I know I was at my first trial ad class last Tuesday, but it felt like I was back at a seventh-grade pep rally.

The cool kids sat off to the right, in a jury box, higher up than the rest of us.  Of course, they walked in as a group, slowly unsmilingly, while the girls off to my left talked about everyone that walked in the door.  “Oh my God, she’s such a slut.”  The king and queen bees in their J. Crew cool sweaters and knee high boots took a seat and immediately their hangers-on rushed over to them, begging for attention, talking furiously, trying to interest their heroes in their winter vacations. 

The class clowns in front of me told jokes about the “one who got away.”  “Man, did you see the rock on her hand?  Her husband’s a doctor.”  The people around them watched and laughed.  Off to my right were the normals, the ones who would love to be special and are completely uncomfortable with their averageness.  Slouching slightly, not quite making eye contact with anyone.  Just normal faces in the crowd. 

This is my other awesome English teacher.
He is playing a banjo.

At the front of the room was student government, smiling with pride, confident, open, and friendly.  The athletes, ready to be recognized for their greatness, stood nearby.  I sat at the back of the room, seemingly the only person comfortable with being alone and watching everyone else.  The only one who wasn’t part of a tightly contained clique. 

Law school is full of the small-town mentality I left behind.  It’s probably part of why I feel so self-conscious in front of my peers.  Instead of seeing future colleagues and people who are like me, I see people who want to beat me up in gym class under the teacher’s nose and people who very carefully crowd their table at lunch so that no one can join them.

What I’m saying is:  I have so many issues. 

The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow!

Good morning!  It's the first day of the new semester!  (But only at DePaul.  Everybody else gets another week.)  I picked a 30 rock episode to watch at random this morning while I got ready, and lo and behold it was one of the ones where Liz decides to be better.  (Which might be every episode.)

"I've got everything I need to put my life in order...I'm going to become wonderful.  It's a new beginning!  Like a Phoenix rising--! [Liz gets hit by a bike messenger.] Or maybe this is going to be the worst day ever."

This is life, I think.  We promise ourselves that things are going to get better, and when they don't do so immediately, we give up almost immediately.

That having been said, things are going to get better!  I can feel it!  I woke up on time!  LSBFF even woke up early!  All my reading is done for the WHOLE WEEK!

And now I'm off to get hit by a bus and slapped in the face by the socratic method.

*In other news, it is the birthday of my good friend Baby B.

He is a whole year older and wiser.  He is also good-looking and single!  He tells bad jokes 80% of the time (but the other 1/5 jokes are hilarious) and sings songs about things like Evidence and Jimmy John's.  He is the best.  I need to find him something made of chocolate for his birthday.  Peanut m&ms are his favorite.  

I just realized I could make this into a dating website for law students everywhere.  Brings lawcest to a whole new level.  

Girl Meets World

Dear Universe,

CAN YOU NOT TAKE A HINT?  I have been sabotaging myself on purpose for the last 3 months so that I would have a reason to quit this endeavor!  Why, universe, why are you making my life so difficult?  I deliberately procrastinated so that nobody would be able to read my article by the deadline, then made a list of professors who would not want to read the article anyway in order to get no for an answer.

And INSTEAD, the very first professor agrees to read it, but tells me that he really only has time in the next week.  My article is nowhere near completion, especially as I had to add another tweak to my thesis tonight which is going to take substantial revision.  THIS IS NOT A FUNNY JOKE, UNIVERSE.  NO ONE IS LAUGHING.

When I get through this next month and a half, we are going to have a talk, Universe.  And when I say "we," I mean you, me, and the Large Hadron Collider.  We'll see how funny everything is when I END YOU FOR YOUR INSOLENCE.

My apologies to everyone who is going to lose out in this battle between myself and the Universe.  You are mere fluff caught in a cosmic battle for my sanity.

Respectfully yours,

Amanda in Chicago

Back to Where We Started From....

So......It's Monday.  January 3rd.  And I'm in Rinn Law Library.  Alone.  I have not seen a single other person who is not a member of the staff here today.  In fact, when I walked in all the staff members glared at me.  Like it was MY fault they had to be here.  No, my darlings, you chose to be LIBRARIANS.  So you have to work on January 3rd.  Unlike me.  I'm here by (mostly) choice.*

It's actually rather upsetting to think that one day in the very near future, I will not be working alone on January 3rd.  In fact, we will all be working on January 3rd.  Because we'll be in the real world.  Where you don't get to just take a month off to read fiction, watch television, bake cookies, and generally rot your brain.  We'll actually have to work.  And guys, there will be consequences to our actions!

The mere thought of not living in a perpetually hypothetical world leaves me quaking in my (stylish, yet affordable) boots.**

But on the plus side, at least I won't be the only one at work on a Monday morning.  You can all suffer with me.

__________________________
*And partly, "Oh my God, I forgot to accomplish anything over the last 2.5 weeks."
**I am not actually wearing boots right now.