Pretend Lawyering 101

I spent all yesterday feeling guilty that it was Wednesday and I hadn't written a post.  But then I realized it was Tuesday, and I felt bad because I didn't have anything prepared.  So instead I thought I'd pepper you with some quotes from last night's trial ad class.

But first, some background for you non-lawyer types.

I've explained the legal writing program as pretend lawyering before.  You write memos and briefs, interview "clients," and argue motions.  Trial Ad is what would happen if none of those things solved your problem, ie, a trial.  The class starts out with everyone doing exercises and being critiqued by a real judge on everything from your diction to the form of your questions to the way/where you stand.  Mid-semester, you move into mini-trials, where you run a whole trial a little bit at a time for four weeks.  (We have closing arguments for that next week.)  After mini-trials is the final exam.  A three-hour trial.

The class is down at the courthouse for three hours once a week.  I recommend everyone take it, even if (like me) you're not planning to litigate.  It's not only good to see how a trial works, it's good to see how evidentiary objections work, it's fun to MAKE objections, and I feel like it's done wonders for my public speaking and improvisation skills.  But enough with the lecture.

So without further ado, quotes from last night's trial ad class to prove how much fun it is!

S1:  “I’m going to cross-examine myself.  

       ‘What did you do on February 7th?’ 

       ‘I was at home that day.’    

       ‘That’s not what you said in your deposition! Are you lying now or were you lying then?’”

S2:  “Objection.  Badgering the witness.”

S1:  “I can’t be badgering myself!”

S3:  “Sometimes when I’m at home alone, I badger myself.”

Prof:  “So you’re Amanda.”

S1:  “No, I’m Amanda, that’s Tina.”

Prof:  “Okay, so Tina and Brandon.” 

S2:  “No.  That’s Paul, I’m Brandon.”

Prof:  “Then if you’re Paul, who’s in the witness box!”

S1:  (Muttered)  “Who’s on first?”

S1:  “Objection.  Hearsay.”

S2:  “Dying declaration.”

Prof:  “Hold on…”

S1:  “The dying declaration exception is only valid when the declaration relates to the circumstances—“

Prof:  “Wait—“

S2:  “Supreme Court just handed down Michigan v. Baker, which states—“

Prof:  “WILL YOU TWO JUST STOP FOR A MINUTE?”

S1:  “I’m beginning to think we’re the remedial Trial Ad class for idiots.

S2:  “Now that's not fair!  Clearly we all know our own names!