Today, I am a Bokononist

Full draft of my article due at 6 pm.  Have I finished writing said article?  Of course not, don't be ridiculous.  So....I'll be doing that.  (Must get around to working on not procrastinating.)  Hopefully, I survive the next two days (I will, I'm resilient like that) and then I can get back to feeling normal by Wednesday.

What that really means is that on Wednesday, I will finally clean the pigsty that I like to call my bedroom.

In other news, I love comments.  But should your comment not add anything to the conversation, I will delete it.  Did I want to have to state that?  No.  But I was annoyed with whoever felt the need to publish rude comments this weekend and don't want to deal with the "Why are you deleting me?" nonsense ever again.  So the official comments policy:  Be nice, or I'll destroy you.  I will probably also mark you as spam.  So HA!

And that's it for Monday.

I'm three days behind because I went to South Bend this weekend instead of doing my homework.  What trials and tribulations are you currently dealing with?

Lawcest, Redux

So I realized recently that this blog is on the first google results page for people who search for the word "lawcest."  And there is ALWAYS someone who has found his/her way here by searching for lawcest.  Whether that's advice about whether to commit lawcest, what to do if you find yourself in a sectioncestual situation, or legal porn (ew), I have no idea, but I feel as though I must throw something out there:

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!

There, I feel better.  It's like a delightful and honest disclaimer.  That having been said, LAWCEST LAWCEST LAWCEST.  (Also just realized that I wrote that post almost exactly one year ago.)

I would like to return to the topic of lawcest quickly and make a few more points.  I know I was down on the idea the first time, but I have new and different feelings.

• Dating someone from ANOTHER law school could be an excellent idea.  It's like networking!  With dinner and movies!
• Lawcest is still a bad idea for 1L's (in my opinion).  Really, focus on your studies and get used to the world.  That person?  Will still be there next year.  It's the joy of law school.  You're stuck with these people for THREE YEARS.
• Lawcest could be a GREAT idea!  Especially if everyone is expecting you to commit it and you're just not getting around to it.  Seriously.  The rumor mill requires fodder.  (Essentially, you will be committing lawcest for everyone else's amusement.)
• You're still too busy to see each other, so the relationship can't get stale too fast!

Fine.  Not my best post.  It's Friday guys and I slept in and I'm hanging out with the Boy all day.  Must finish article this weekend.  Sigh.

Law School Television Tropes

I’m tired.  And a bad American.  I did not watch the State of the Union address last night.  In my defense, I don’t get home from the Daley Center on Tuesday nights until at least 9 pm. 

Anyway, I’m always interested in how law school is portrayed in the media, particularly through television and movies.  And I have to admit, that one of my favorite guilty pleasure television shows over the last couple years has been ABC Family’s “Greek.”  In the show, two of the main characters started law school this year, and I have found myself yelling at how dead wrong a scriptwriter can get something.

So…I bring you “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.”

The Good: 

The Rumor Mill:  Everybody knows everything and everybody tells everything and there are no secrets.  So when the main character’s reputation was ruined before classes even started?  Not entirely unbelievable. 

Getting a Good Seat:  You can’t arrive for the first class five minutes before class starts and expect to get a decent seat.  When one of the characters said “I got here 20 minutes early and barely got THIS seat,” he wasn’t kidding.  However, what WAS wrong was that these students seemed to want to sit in the back.  The earlier a student gets to his class, the more likely he's the type of student who wants to sit in the front row.

The Bad:

The Admissions Office Cares:  When one of the characters doesn’t get in, she goes to the admissions office, and they tell her WHY.  And then SHE CHANGES THEIR MINDS.  AND THEY LET HER IN.  Let me say this:  the admissions process is a well-kept secret.  You don’t know why you did or did not get in, and the staff isn’t even going to let you into the office to debate it.

Small Classes:  1L classes are tight-knit, sure, but they’re also made up of 80-100 people in giant lecture halls. 

SO MUCH READING:  Yes, there’s a lot of reading.  But 1500 pages and 30 cases to brief in two days?  It’s not possible to read and there’s no way your prof can go over that many cases in an hour and a half.  Let me put it this way:  You’re going to read three 500-page books.  OVER THREE MONTHS.  Sure that’s 1500 pages, but it’s only about 80-100 pages a week.

The Ugly:

If You Don’t Get Into A Study Group, You Might as Well Kill Yourself:  Seriously, I have noticed this not only in Greek, but also in the ever-so-popular movie Legally Blonde.  Seriously.  This is NOT EVEN A THING.  Is a study group helpful?  Yes.  Is it a great way to review/outline?  Also, yes.  Is it absolutely necessary?  No.  I have never been in a study group, I hate studying with other people, and I’m doing just fine.

I guess what I don't really understand is WHY scriptwriters get these incredibly basic things so wrong.  I understand that smaller class sizes make for a better shot, and a character not being able to get into a study group makes for better drama, but there's PLENTY of drama without that.  And if writers aren't sure what law school is like, wouldn't it make more sense to hire a law school "consultant" and give them a hundred bucks for playing along?  We're always desperate for cash.  (That being said, I am open to being a consultant on the look of law school.)

Have you noticed anything weird about law school movies or television?

I Am.....The Lobster??

We are always changing.  Metamorphosing.  Becoming.  And not like a caterpillar that cocoons itself and becomes a beautiful butterfly or a less interesting moth, either.  More like one of those gross bugs that just grows until it’s too big for its exoskeleton and sheds that exoskeleton in gory, slimy glory to become something far more imposing and terrifying.

"Love me?"

Or, if you’re not into insect imagery, like a hermit crab that keeps getting different shells.  I guess.  But that fails to really make my point.

Hermit crabs are really pretty cute.

The problem with this “molting” is, of course, that it takes a while.  Not only do your insides have to outgrow your outsides, you have to actually shed those trappings.  And then it takes a while for your new exoskeleton to harden, you know?  To really become comfortable in your own (new and improved) skin.

LOLcricketz?

Sometime over the past month or so, I realized that over the last five years, I’ve become an entirely different person.  At some point, I shed the old me and just left her behind.  I keep trying to pinpoint the when, but I just can’t find it.  But I think that’s the point.  It takes a while.  It’s been a long, and sometimes VERY painful process, and my skin is a little raw still.

So I just want to take a moment to say “thanks” to anyone who has been around while I’ve been molting.  I’m sure it hasn’t been pretty, and I know it hasn’t left me a beautiful butterfly. 

But hey.  Butterflies live for a week.  Lobsters are ugly, scarred things and they live FOREVER.  

"I'm IMMORTAL!"

I Could Take Dear Abby's Job

In case anyone is curious, B’s birthday over the weekend was awesome, as evidenced by the fact that I refuse to post any of the photos.  Because they are so awful.  Because we were so focused on having fun.  Yeah.  That’s the reasoning we’ll go with.  Also, I got a burrito from under the red line Addison stop.  I know that SOUNDS shady, but if you live in Chicago, it is a MUST.  Ask Baby B.  They are DELICIOUS.

Moving on, I was talking to a 1L friend yesterday who mentioned to me that her section was not very “close.”  For those of you who may not know, first year classes are divided into sections.  So the incoming class is about 240 people, and there are three sections of 80 people.  For pretty much the entire first year, you don’t see anyone outside your section except at social functions.  For the rest of law school, you will have more friends from your own section than any other.

Anyway, back to the problem at hand.  What if your section is lacking in camaraderie or you have a hard time making friends within your section?  She also mentioned that the other students in her section are “crazy” and “never shut up.”  Here’s my best advice:  Bond over the crazies!

Get excited when the crazies talk, and take it with a grain of salt.  Don’t get annoyed by it, just be amused by it.  And then when somebody else in your class mentions it, or alludes to it, YOU HAVE MORE IN COMMON.  Consider playing devil’s advocate and taking the crazy’s side too! 

On the other hand, if that seems too harsh (and it kind of is, though it certainly makes class more interesting) have a conversation after class with some people.  Seriously, it’s second semester.  Law school should feel like home and home should feel like a place you sleep at night.  No one is planning to leave any time soon.  Strike up a conversation about class or about something the professor said.  Ask a question about something you “missed” or about what the person next to you is doing this weekend.  Hello camaraderie!

Or you could just give up on your section as a loss to humanity.  Make friends elsewhere.  Clearly the people in your section are just boring and not worth investing in for the purpose of friendship.  Keep your head down and get good grades. 

Sweet Pickles, I feel like Dear Abby.  I WANT TO BE DEAR ABBY.

Also, my secured transactions professor FINALLY brought up the possibly of high interest-rate loans from the Mafia this morning.  Finally.  It was about time.  

Have any questions you need to ask?  I'm in an advice-givin' mood today!

High School Never Ends

This is my awesome high school English teacher.

It never fails to fascinate me how much law school has in common with high school.  For instance, I know I was at my first trial ad class last Tuesday, but it felt like I was back at a seventh-grade pep rally.

The cool kids sat off to the right, in a jury box, higher up than the rest of us.  Of course, they walked in as a group, slowly unsmilingly, while the girls off to my left talked about everyone that walked in the door.  “Oh my God, she’s such a slut.”  The king and queen bees in their J. Crew cool sweaters and knee high boots took a seat and immediately their hangers-on rushed over to them, begging for attention, talking furiously, trying to interest their heroes in their winter vacations. 

The class clowns in front of me told jokes about the “one who got away.”  “Man, did you see the rock on her hand?  Her husband’s a doctor.”  The people around them watched and laughed.  Off to my right were the normals, the ones who would love to be special and are completely uncomfortable with their averageness.  Slouching slightly, not quite making eye contact with anyone.  Just normal faces in the crowd. 

This is my other awesome English teacher.
He is playing a banjo.

At the front of the room was student government, smiling with pride, confident, open, and friendly.  The athletes, ready to be recognized for their greatness, stood nearby.  I sat at the back of the room, seemingly the only person comfortable with being alone and watching everyone else.  The only one who wasn’t part of a tightly contained clique. 

Law school is full of the small-town mentality I left behind.  It’s probably part of why I feel so self-conscious in front of my peers.  Instead of seeing future colleagues and people who are like me, I see people who want to beat me up in gym class under the teacher’s nose and people who very carefully crowd their table at lunch so that no one can join them.

What I’m saying is:  I have so many issues. 

Law School Tip #9

Procrastination is your enemy.  But it's also the enemy of your 

homework.  And the enemy of your enemy is your friend.

The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow!

Good morning!  It's the first day of the new semester!  (But only at DePaul.  Everybody else gets another week.)  I picked a 30 rock episode to watch at random this morning while I got ready, and lo and behold it was one of the ones where Liz decides to be better.  (Which might be every episode.)

"I've got everything I need to put my life in order...I'm going to become wonderful.  It's a new beginning!  Like a Phoenix rising--! [Liz gets hit by a bike messenger.] Or maybe this is going to be the worst day ever."

This is life, I think.  We promise ourselves that things are going to get better, and when they don't do so immediately, we give up almost immediately.

That having been said, things are going to get better!  I can feel it!  I woke up on time!  LSBFF even woke up early!  All my reading is done for the WHOLE WEEK!

And now I'm off to get hit by a bus and slapped in the face by the socratic method.

*In other news, it is the birthday of my good friend Baby B.

He is a whole year older and wiser.  He is also good-looking and single!  He tells bad jokes 80% of the time (but the other 1/5 jokes are hilarious) and sings songs about things like Evidence and Jimmy John's.  He is the best.  I need to find him something made of chocolate for his birthday.  Peanut m&ms are his favorite.  

I just realized I could make this into a dating website for law students everywhere.  Brings lawcest to a whole new level.  

Girl Meets World

Dear Universe,

CAN YOU NOT TAKE A HINT?  I have been sabotaging myself on purpose for the last 3 months so that I would have a reason to quit this endeavor!  Why, universe, why are you making my life so difficult?  I deliberately procrastinated so that nobody would be able to read my article by the deadline, then made a list of professors who would not want to read the article anyway in order to get no for an answer.

And INSTEAD, the very first professor agrees to read it, but tells me that he really only has time in the next week.  My article is nowhere near completion, especially as I had to add another tweak to my thesis tonight which is going to take substantial revision.  THIS IS NOT A FUNNY JOKE, UNIVERSE.  NO ONE IS LAUGHING.

When I get through this next month and a half, we are going to have a talk, Universe.  And when I say "we," I mean you, me, and the Large Hadron Collider.  We'll see how funny everything is when I END YOU FOR YOUR INSOLENCE.

My apologies to everyone who is going to lose out in this battle between myself and the Universe.  You are mere fluff caught in a cosmic battle for my sanity.

Respectfully yours,

Amanda in Chicago

B(u)y The Book

Yes, I own Chip and Dale as a set.

Books.  Oh my God, books.  Are expensive as hell.  And why is it that they have to come out with new editions every other year??  It just means that you can't get them used anywhere, and then there's all these useless books floating around that no one will ever use again!  

As you can tell, I allowed the bookstore to slap me across the face with their high fees yet again.  I'm not really sure what to do anymore.  I couldn't buy used because all of my professors are using new editions and coursepacks, and I couldn't buy online, because the professors take so long to post their book lists that you HAVE to buy from the bookstore so that you can do first assignments.  It's SUCH a pain.

In fact, when I TRIED to buy books online, the orders got cancelled by the sellers the next day.  And in the world of book buying, the online world gets more expensive EVERY DAY.  So by the time I got to try again, the good deals were already gone!  It's a huge pain.

All in all, I spent $347.00 today at the bookstore and another $143.00 online, for a horrific total of $490.00.  Now, I did sell two books back for a solid $142, but that still leaves me with a net cost of $298.  Which is not the most I've ever paid.  The most I've ever paid was a year ago, when my cost was over $600.  I cried for two hours after that, just thinking about all the fun I would have to skip.

So I would like to give suggestions for ways to fix this system:

• MORE USED BOOKS!  Sure, it wouldn't have helped me this time, but it sure would be nice if the bookstore would live up to their slogan of having the most used books.  I walked through the law shelves.  I counted two used books.  Two.  Total.  I refuse to believe that's the most possible.
• Professors should post titles earlier.  Seriously, most professors know what they're going to be teaching at least two months before classes start.  DePaul has a special section on their website for syllabuses and first class assignments.  If professors would just post the titles of their books, that would give us all time to find better deals.  No need to post the whole syllabus yet.  Just titles, authors, and maybe ISBN number would be great.
• Book swap/Pool.  Why doesn't DePaul have some sort of book sign up list where you can list the books you have and the books you want and try to get them from someone else?  Do any other schools have anything like this?  Even just a few hours on a Saturday when people can get together to swap books or to buy books off one another would be helpful.  Let's try to help each other out a little more.  

What do you think?  Do you have different ideas?  Does your school 

do something different?  Speak up below!

Law School Tip #8

Have a healthy sense of humor.  Most of the people you're 

going to school with have even less of a clue than you do.

Back to Where We Started From....

So......It's Monday.  January 3rd.  And I'm in Rinn Law Library.  Alone.  I have not seen a single other person who is not a member of the staff here today.  In fact, when I walked in all the staff members glared at me.  Like it was MY fault they had to be here.  No, my darlings, you chose to be LIBRARIANS.  So you have to work on January 3rd.  Unlike me.  I'm here by (mostly) choice.*

It's actually rather upsetting to think that one day in the very near future, I will not be working alone on January 3rd.  In fact, we will all be working on January 3rd.  Because we'll be in the real world.  Where you don't get to just take a month off to read fiction, watch television, bake cookies, and generally rot your brain.  We'll actually have to work.  And guys, there will be consequences to our actions!

The mere thought of not living in a perpetually hypothetical world leaves me quaking in my (stylish, yet affordable) boots.**

But on the plus side, at least I won't be the only one at work on a Monday morning.  You can all suffer with me.

__________________________
*And partly, "Oh my God, I forgot to accomplish anything over the last 2.5 weeks."
**I am not actually wearing boots right now.